Context is King

“You can’t sedate the things you hate” Somebody told me that when I was a teenager and I duly scrawled on my school bag and have spent the next fifteen years with it rattling around in my brain hole trying to work out what it means. I think it means that you shouldn’t spent too long dwelling on the stuff that annoys you which is a good message and seeing as I had a three stomach ulcers by the time I was twenty, one that I’ve could have learnt a lot sooner.

As such, there are very few band I hate, I suppose the blandness of Keaneplay Patrol stamps my hoof somewhat, Bono is a twat buts its hard to hate a band that produced Achtung Baby an album with the best opening riff I can think of – that muted, distorted guitar scratch laying the base to the build up of pop industiral classic The Fly.*, even Take That, a band my teenage self would have loved to meet in a alley armed with a golf club and a potato peeler have recently been redeemed by being quite nice, if somewhat dim human blokes and releasing some interesting pop music.

No for me to truly hate a band they would have to be not ony musicly offensive, but visually offensive and re-inserted into my conssiuoness enough to be on my hate-rader for a long time. So ladies and gentleniods, I give you N-dubz.

I suppose they first came to my attention when I saw them on the television and I thought ‘what kind of prick would wear a tiny hat? And was instantly reminded of ‘the idiots’ in Nathen Barley that the protagonist rails against. While youth fashion and culture is supposed to be oppositional and confrontational; hoodies are scary because we can’t see faces and a throwback to the word ‘hoodlum’, baggy clothes are easier to hide weapons in and in LA during the nineties were a sign that you had the hand me downs of a much bigger angrier sibling, and not wearing a belt to keep your trousers up is in sympathy with friends who are in prison and not allowed to wear belts. But what is the significance of the tiny hat? I’ll tell you, none, not one, that boy is a bafflingly tiny penis with a baby’s hat balanced on the bellend.

But Dappy has got form, his ‘gangsta’ roots are real, this brave manchild having been arrested for things like, spitting in a girls face, swearing on a plane, threatening to shoot someone with a gun he didn’t have, shooting a girl on the bum bum with a toy gun he did have, and getting caught smoking in the toilets of Alton Towers. I made none of them up. Dappy is the vicious spoiled jealous little prick in the playground not even the bullies wanted to play with.

Of course the incident that really sticks in my mind is the Chris Moyles interview where he copied down the number of a person who called him ‘a little boy in a silly hat’ so he could threaten and abuse her later WHILE BEING THE AMBASSADOR FOR AN ANTIBULLYING CAMPAIGN WHOS FOCUS WAS CYBER-BULLYING.

This is what would happen if you gave a nine year old a 10 grand and three days to make a music video. To be honest I have no idea about much of their music so just googled their name and this is the first that came up. Not much to say about it really, its weird that they keep mentioning ‘Facebook’ sub-Black Eyed Pea’s production and Dappy’s contribution being the stand out weakest.

*Although recently while watching ‘Taken’ a film about a girl who is kidnapped while travelling round Europe, when I found out the character was supposed to be following U2 on tour I did secretly hope they’d cut her fingers off or something.

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